So, listen to any good podcasts lately?
What the fuck is a podcast?
We are so starved for entertainment in this country that we read People magazine while watching the E channel and looking at pictures of Jennifer Aniston’s boobs on the Internet, at the same time. Now, we’re supposed to listen to podcasts on our Ipod too?
We are shoving entertainment into every possible orifice.
If they invented a pipe that you stuck up your ass that let you watch NASCAR, the Paris Hilton sex video, and Everybody Loves Raymond, someone would use it.
“Okay, you put these goggles on, and shove this pipe up your ass, and voila.”
They’d call it Assertainment. Or Buttopia.
“It’s Buttopia! It’s like Tivo, only in your poop hole!”
Then people would be like, “I don’t know, shove it up my ass? Isn’t that kind of gay?”
So just to reassure people, they’d get a famous celebrity who obviously isn’t gay, like Chuck Norris, to do a testimonial ad: “I love Buttopia. And the ladies love me."
The early adopters would be passing around the lube two weeks before Buttopia hit the market. But for the skeptics, they’d have exclusive programming you couldn’t see anywhere else. Want to see home movies of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise fixing up their baby nursery? Yeah, we bet you do. Shove this up your ass and all your dreams can come true.