You are soldiers in the War on Christmas.
And you’re all doing a hell of a job.
So good in fact, some freak job wrote a book about us, "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday is Worse than You Thought."
Damn right it is.
Sure, we’ve been acting this whole time like what we’re truly interested in is inclusion. But we all know that’s a smokescreen. We don’t give a shit about Jews, Muslims, Blacks or Agnostics. We care about #1. And #1 don’t like Jesus freaks. We like naked, vulgar, pagan godlessness. Oh yeah.
But we’ve been found out. The far-Christian right has seen through our veil of political correctness to what lies beneath. We don’t really care about other faiths, people’s feelings or embracing the melting pot of American culture. We are just caddy. We know that every time, one of us says “Happy Holidays!” all Pat Roberts hears is: “Fuck you, Jesus!” Ha ha ha.
Keep going you guys! You’re doing great. See you after “the holidays!”
And be sure to check your liberal agenda in the coming weeks. Our “Screw Easter!” campaign is right around the corner!