Love, tolerance and oatmeal

What would Thomas Edison say?

2011-09-14T19:36:00.000-07:00

I bet if Thomas Edison knew that everyone thought sliced bread was the best invention ever, he’d be like: “This is bullshit!” Try slicing bread in the dark, assholes!

Mr. Lee

2011-09-14T19:28:00.000-07:00

Charming, one bedroom apt in Somerville. Quiet, friendly neighbors, rent negotiable. Call Mandy ASAP. 617-628-6896.

Well, it’s true. The apartment is charming. It’s Mr. Lee that’s insufferable. Mr. Lee is my downstairs neighbor. He’s weird. Not in any clinical, diagnosable way, just your general weird.

He’s about 5’2”, plump, bald, Korean. In his 60’s. Oddly, he likes to ride motorcycles.

The other morning, he started up his “hog” at 8:15 am. It was Sunday. I love Sunday mornings, reading the paper, lazily drinking coffee, not showering. I don’t love being awakened by the sound of the little Lee man revving up his Harley Davidson Road King for a nice long ride.

I won’t want to, but for days after, I will picture Mr. Lee’s chubby, little body poured into a skin-tight leather jumpsuit, head thrown back in ecstasy, his three strands of hair blowing in the wind.

Often I hear him in the apartment below me late at night, moving furniture around. Why? Who the hell knows? It sounds like he pushes dressers and barcaloungers across the room to see where they look best, and then pushes everything back to its original position, for no reason whatsoever. Maybe working on his pecs.

Incessantly, he’s out in the yard with a leaf blower, ferreting out errant leaves from his garden. I’ve even heard him out there in late May, blowing petals off flowers.

I discovered Mr. Lee had a drinking problem one summer night when I meandered up the walkway and heard a bottle roll off the porch and smash on the ground. As I got to the top of the steps, I saw Mr. Lee, sunbathing by moonlight. He lay sprawled out on a lawn chair, wearing only a pair of shorts, making no effort to explain himself or – for God’s sake – cover up.

Plus, he was singing. Slurry, sloppy lyrics, but I could make them out. “You got to know when to hor‘em, know when to fo'rem …” The Gambler. Oh no. You killed Kenny.

Clearly, you got to know when to run.

As I hurried into the house, I knew things from then on would be different between us. He’d be embarrassed that I’d seen him drunk, half-dressed, and way off-key. I’d be embarrassed that the image of his round, hairless torso had been involuntarily hard-wired into my cerebral cortex. I glimpsed a great deal of dry heaving in my future.

That night I had a nightmare. A complete music video. Mr. Lee, topless, slow-dancing in our front yard with his leaf blower, singing the Gambler. Then he jumps on his Harley and tears off down our street. But first, he winks at me. Ew.

So, yes. I admit it. I padded the classified ad a little. This is an emergency.

My fart woke up my baby

2011-09-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

The other night I farted and my baby started crying. Do you hear what I’m saying? I startled and frightened my own child with my powerful gas. It triggered his fight or flight response. And I can just picture my baby trying to fight my fart. That would be hilarious. Someone please put that shit on YouTube.

And I don’t know if it was the sound or the smell that scared him the most. It was not super loud or strange or high pitched. Just a good ol’ fashioned American fart. Your classic rip. Plus, I don’t know if you have heard this about babies, but they are kind of light sleepers. SO waking them up, even with a good excuse, is a huge pain in the ass. Let’s all just keep quiet about this when he’s old enough to read this.

Give tweets a chance

2010-03-26T11:27:00.000-07:00

Follow me on Twitter. You know, if you want to. No pressure.

Become my fan on Facebook

2009-08-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Is that lame to ask for fans? Well I'm not gonna beat around the bush. As Anthony Michael Hall said in Breakfast Club, "My mom always said if you want something, you gotta ask for it." (RIP John Hughes!)

Check out this cool FB widget and become a fan. It's a good way to hear about my upcoming shows and happenings and read my terribly witty updates - I guarantee it's 10 times funnier than Sarah Palin's facebook page.

Mandy Donovan on Facebook

It's all downhill from here. In a good way.

2009-06-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was 22, I’ve been feeling like it’s all-downhill. That sounds illogical, I know. At 22, there's more in front of you than there is behind. But logic and being 22 mix like oil and water that thinks it knows everything.

I just couldn't help it. It was like life had hit a high note and the soprano had left the building.

It was a little while later that I realized the ages of 22 through 26 were going to be definitively, empirically, without a doubt, the best years of my life. I lived in Manhattan. I worked on Madison Avenue. I made enough money to go out to trendy bars and buy my share of rounds for friends whose names I can’t remember now. I bumped into celebrities in Starbucks. They filmed movies on my block. Anything was possible.

At 25, I went to grad school. I borrowed magic money I could never conceive of paying back and my job was only to learn, to share ideas, and to write them down. I ate French fries with gravy and drank chocolate milk shakes at diners at 2 am without worrying about the calories. I hadn’t quite yet figured out that smoking was bad, and drinking didn’t lead to the all-day hangovers I experience today (after three, okay two, measly beers.) I sat in coffeeshops, wrote deep thoughts in notebooks and tried to appear mysterious. And succeeded. I met friends I still have today and lovers I still tell stories about. I had summers off.

Then I turned 27 and moved to New England, where the weather and the people are sometimes colder than seems necessary. I got a real job, a 401(k) and a student loan repayment plan. And as predicated, it’s been all-downhill since.

But then again...I got married last year. In Italy. On a terrace over looking the Mediterranean Ocean. To a guy who everyone falls in love with about 3 minutes and 12 seconds after meeting him. Or maybe it's 3 minutes and 30 seconds. But less than 5, I’m sure. We got married on a Thursday at 4:30pm. (That is absolutely the coolest thing you can possibly do on a Thursday at 4:30pm.) It was just the two of us and two dear friends and a gorgeous May afternoon.

The day before the wedding, we arrived in Positano, which is beautiful even under buckets of rain – a different kind of wild, restless beauty. We climbed down the steps through the tiny ancient village, even the dirt we picked up on our shoes was romantic. We checked into our extravagant hotel room, snuggled against the lashing rain, then went down to the hotel restaurant, ate fresh fish and drank wine made right there on the Amalfi Coast - on a hill we could see out our window. Then we stopped by the church, the one with the famous golden dome that lets you know you’re in Positano. My husband-to-be thought I was crazy, because I’m not Catholic and hate the concept of sin, but I got down on my knees and prayed for the sun to shine on our wedding day. I think I may have even crossed myself (which I think is a sin if you’re not Catholic.) When we woke up in the morning, I felt the sun shining on my eyes before I opened them. And it was as if I never doubted it would.

So 33 then? 33 and all-downhill after that? Maybe this will be the one that sticks. It’s a double digit. A nice-looking number. It’s a third of my life (if all the rumors about red wine and antioxidants making us live to be 99 are true.)

These days, I’m staring 35 in the face and thinking yep. 33. That was it. Doesn’t get any better than that. Of course, just yesterday I was sitting on the sofa next to the instantly loveable husband, who put his arm around me as I pet my dog whose fur is as soft and delicate as a dandelion you can blow on. That was pretty good, too. If that’s on the downhill, maybe it’s not going to be such a bad ride.

The Change We Seek

2008-11-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

There was cheering, actual cheering in the streets at 11:01pm EST when the words “President Elect Obama” appeared on screens in homes across America. In Boston, it looked like the Red Sox had won another World Series. How proud I felt that finally my sport (politics) received the same kind of lavish celebration. A tear touched my check when I heard a car had been overturned in Brooklyn.

We deserve to be celebrating, feeling proud to be Americans, overjoyed that we have gone from enslaving African Americans to electing one our President in just 150 years.

Last night was powerful. And Barack Obama is a transformational figure for sure. But most powerful of all is the realization that it was not Barack Obama creating this change. It was us.

I was skeptical when Hillary and Barack both latched on to the word “Change” as a campaign theme. Those six letters fit nicely on a lawn sign, but “change” is not really an ideology to get behind…change into what? It’s the political equivalent of my favorite bumper sticker: “Anyone but this guy.”

But as the debates, speeches, interviews and SNL sketches made clear, things in America have gone so wrong that it’s funny. Without knowing how long or how far we’d been falling, we landed here. Here, the place and time where simply pointing out the need to do something (anything!) but what we have been doing for the last 8 years takes a certain amount of courage. Asking for change becomes a bold statement.

After the Primaries, I realized the c word (the nice one) wasn’t going away. John McCain jumped on the Change-wagon as well. “Yeah. Change. What they said.” He realized a while back that he better get on board, and that it was probably already too late. You could tell when he gave his concession speech that he’d been practicing it—a lot. Probably for about 7 months.
When I think of McCain’s campaign and the state of the country over the last 8 years, I think of another charming aphorism: “When you realize you’re in a hole, stop digging.” Maybe we needed someone as articulate as Barack Obama to very eloquently tell us, “Hey Jackasses! Stop digging.”

Actually he phrased it more like this…“We are the change we seek in the world.” He’s one smart man. He seemed to get it long before the rest of us did. And that’s possibly the greatest gift Obama gave us…the courage to change the things we can.
The last 20 months weren’t easy, but we survived it. The grunting frat boy chants of “USA.” The crazy white haired lady who picked 400 random Floridians out of the phone book and sent them letters telling them that Obama is an A-rab. (Classy.) And empassioned statements that don’t actually mean anything (like Joe the Plumber’s outrage at his tax hike when we later discover he’s neither a plumber, nor will he receive a tax hike).

No one knows what the right answer is, but finally more than 50% of the country realized that this ain’t it. It’s like we all took one of those V8 juice smacks in the head….Ohhhh. We coulda’ had change. And now, we will.
As we continue to heal from the paralysis of fear after 9/11, we are finally, joyfully, taking our first wobbly steps toward the America we all just realized was still there.

Men are Dogs.

2008-04-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

Looking at him, laying there asleep on the couch in front of the TV, snoring, I am reminded that my dog is indeed—a man. Another species, yes, but I believe gender roles transcend species. Sometimes he looks at me, and I swear he is thinking that I talk too much. The moment I come home, I can see the question in his eyes, the question no man of the 21st century dare speak…”Where’s my dinner?” While Rusty was chasing cats, inhaling rawhide bones, and peeing on everything in sight, the sexual revolution came and went. Every day I take him out for walks. Has he once offered to take me anywhere? Nope. I buy him expensive toys. Have I ever returned home to find him clutching a dozen roses in his teeth. Of course not. I look in his eyes and see how he views me. I’m a cook, a maid, a personal assistant. Certainly not an equal partner in this life we share. No wonder man is a dog’s best friend. I am coming to realize they have everything in common.

Pre-Presidential Syndrome

2008-04-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

Some men say they can’t trust a woman president because she could get PMS, go psycho and push the button. That’s ridiculous. We don’t want to kill everybody when we have PMS. Just men.

2007-05-18T13:50:00.001-07:00

Laughing Liberally Boston, 1/17

2006-12-20T11:59:00.000-08:00

Hey Y'all,
We've convinced the Laughing Liberally folks to let us start a spin-off version in Boston. If all goes well at this show, we're hoping to hold one once a month. So tell your friends, cause we need to pack the house!

Laughing Liberally @ The Comedy Studio
8pm
Mass. Ave. in Harvard Sq.
Check thecomedystudio.com for more info.

Happy Birthday, Jesus. Now cut the crap.

2006-11-29T13:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Jesus,
I know your birthday is coming up so I feel compelled to mention something that’s been bothering me for a long time. This whole Christmas thing…it’s a little self-indulgent, don’t you think? I mean, I know your birthday is special to you, but does the WHOLE WORLD have to celebrate it? I swear. Paris Hilton’s four 21st birthday parties in one weekend seem tastefully appropriate when compared to the month-long Bacchanalia surrounding your big day. Okay, you were a great man in life and a savior in death…I get it. You rose from the dead. Yes, it’s amazing. But come on. It’s two days after Halloween and already CVS is asking me to start decorating for your birthday party. And it’s a birth-DAY, Jesus. Not a birth-MONTH. I’m just asking for a little maturity and some of that putting others before yourself stuff you’re so famous for. Thanks.

Yours truly,
Mandy

P.S. I still love you. Please don’t send me to hell.

Comedy Updates

2006-11-21T18:24:00.000-08:00

Come out to see me if you can...

November 20, Laughing Liberally in NYC
45th St. Theater
Liberals get their groove on with dinner and a show, starring me w/Julie Goldman, from Rosie O produced The Big Gay Show
and Sam Seder from Air America Radio!

November 26, Comedy Connection, Boston
in the Faneuil Hall Marketplace
7pm, $15 w/ 2 drink min.
National headliners perform here and when they're booked, I do!

November 29, The Comedy Studio, Cambridge
Harvard Sq, 3rd floor above Hong Kong Restaurant
8pm, $9
This is the best show in town, fresh, funny, provacative and liberal!

Walmart Wine

2006-11-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

Walmart has come out with $2 wine. I have written some taglines for them.

Walmart Wine. For the classiest trailers in the park.
Walmart Wine. Finally, a wine just for the homeless!
Walmart Wine. Treat your hooker to something special.
Walmart Wine. It’s vinegar that gets you drunk!
Walmart Wine. Available in red and white trash.
Walmart Wine. The casual alternative to boxed wine.
Walmart Wine. Use your loose change to get drunk!
Walmart Wine. Works great as a weapon if you’re getting date-raped.
Walmart Wine. Make a toast to welfare.
Walmart Wine. This is how memories are made…in the shelter.
Walmart Wine. The best nights start with Walmart wine and end in a pool of vomit.
Walmart Wine. For the price of adopting an Indonesian child, you can get drunk.
Walmart Wine. The taste of America.

The REAL meaning of Halloween.

2006-10-31T07:47:00.000-08:00

This is the first year I've had friends with kids dressing up in cutesy Halloween costumes. The parents probably love it more than the babies, but the toddlers and older kids really seem to have a blast. I realize now that Halloween is not all about dressing like a slutty witch, getting trashed and hooking up with a guy in a hockey mask who you call Jason because you can't remember his real name. That's what Halloween means to me. But this year, it started to mean something more. Now it also means putting a baby in a cow costume and trying desperately to get her to say Moo. Now that's fun.

I won!

2006-10-29T04:59:00.000-08:00

Last night I won a comedy contest! Okay, last night I had a dream that I won a comedy contest. I don't care. I'm putting it on my resume!

FALL COMEDY CALENDAR

2006-08-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

Come check me out at one of these reputable establishments.

Mandy's Calendar

Sept 30 6:00P
Gotham Comedy Club, 23rd + 8th in NYC

Oct 7 7:00P
Comedy Central Showcase
The Laugh Lounge, 151 Essex St. @ Stanton, NYC

Oct 14 8:00P
The Comedy Studio @ Harvard Sq, Cambridge

Oct 15 8:00P
The Comedy Studio @ Harvard Sq. Cambridge

Oct 27 8:00P
The Comedy Studio @ Harvard Sq. Cambridge

Oct 30 8:00P
The Comedy Connection @ Faneuil Hall Boston, MA

Nov 16 8:00P
The Comedy Studio @ Harvard Sq. Cambridge

Nov 18 8:00P
Mt. Holyoke College

Nov. 26 7:00P
The Comedy Connection @ Faneuil Hall Boston, MA

Nov. 29 8:00P
The Comedy Studio @ Harvard Sq. Cambridge

My Dream Gig

2006-08-18T09:58:00.000-07:00

I’m behind the curtain of a very tiny stage at the First Baptist Church in Medford, Massachusetts, about to perform stand-up comedy at a church fundraiser / variety show. And If I ever felt like a star, I’m a long way from that feeling right now.

“Variety show” is a kind word for this hodgepodge of theater, music and excruciatingly awkward pauses. I am the opening act, followed by Debbie Dooley — a rhythmically-challenged, 12-year old tap dancer; the Pacemakers — four 80-year old jazz musicians who are all off synch, probably because they’re following the beat of they’re own pacemakers, and Mrs. O'Reilly — the Pastor’s wife, who can play “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” by blowing across the tops of partially-filled bottles.

And that’s just the top 3. The other performances I can’t explain without diagrams.

A woman I barely know asked me to perform and since I have a speech impediment that makes it impossible to utter the word no, I said yes. I did not realize that I would be performing with the cast of Waiting For Guffman, complete with an all-cast sign along of Give My Regards to Broadway (which I haven’t sung since 6th grade music class and my performance has clearly suffered over time.)

So here I am. Hanging out behind the curtain with Dot. Dot’s job is walk out on stage, holding up signs that say “Cheer and Clap”, “Quiet Please”, and “Sigh.” I tell her to get the “Laugh” sign ready in case this senior citizen crowd doesn’t get my jokes about Internet dating or how I secretly think my boyfriend may be gay. Dot laughs and says, “I’ve never been to a comedy show, but my daughter has once.” I wonder if I’ve entered an alternate universe.

I’m only ten miles from Harvard Square but feel like I must have taken a wrong turn at Mass. Ave. and wound up stumbling down a wormhole, transcending time and space to land at a similar church variety show, but in Davenport, Iowa, 1952. I look down at my notes and cross of the gay boyfriend joke.

When Fred, Dot’s husband, introduces me as a “lovely lady from Sum-ah-vull” his Cliff Clavin accent jolts me back to the suburbs of Beantown, 2003. I realize I haven’t slipped down a wormhole, only my career has.

I decide I’m going to be as professional as possible, despite the girl with braces tap dancing in the back hallway, despite the Pacemakers inability to play as a group, and despite Dot smiling at me, ready with her cheesy signs.

I walk out onto the stage, pretending I’m in front of a packed house at Carnegie Hall…no Madison Square Garden! And I realize: It’s Saturday night, these people probably haven’t been out of the house since the big liquidation sale at BJ’s, and they actually believe I’m a professional comedian. And you know what? These God-fearing, Christian shut-ins deserve a good show! And by golly, I am proud and honored to do my very best to give it to them!

And if anybody asks what I did Saturday night, I was at the movies.

Laugh Lounge 9/1

2006-08-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

New Yorkers: Come check me out at the Laugh Lounge. You'll snarf your two drink minimum.

September 1, 7pm
Laugh Lounge NYC
151 Essex St, New York, NY 10002
$12 after 6:45, $10 if you show up early
For Reservations call 212-614-2500

Mr. Lee

2006-08-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

Mr. Lee is my downstairs neighbor. He's weird. Not in any clinical, diagnosable way, just your general weird.

At least once a month, at about 11:30pm, my roommates and I can hear him moving furniture around downstairs. It sounds like he's pushing dressers and barcaloungers across the room to see where they look best, and then pushing everything back to its original position, for no reason whatsoever.

Sometimes he's out in the yard with a leaf blower, ferreting out errant leaves from his garden. I realize the desire to beautify one's lawn is not strange behavior in and of itself. However, Mr. Lee is usually struck with the hankering to do yard work at midnight on a Tuesday. And it doesnt even matter whether or not it's fall. We've heard him out there in late May, blowing petals off flowers. Why? Who the hell knows?

See? Weird.

Mr. Lee has a Korean accent so strong we can hardly understand a thing he says. Usually we just say, Hi, Mr. Lee, and rush into the house.

He's about 52, plump, and bald. Oddly, he likes to ride motorcycles.

The other morning he started up his hog at 8:15 am. It was Sunday. I love Sunday mornings, reading the paper, lazily drinking coffee, not showering. I dont like being woken up by the sound of the little Lee-man in his skin-tight leather jumpsuit revving up his Harley Davidson Road King for a nice long ride.

In fact, I dont even want to picture it.

I discovered Mr. Lee had a drinking problem one summer night when I was meandering up the walkway to our shared duplex and heard a bottle roll off the porch and smash onto the ground. As I got to the top of the steps I saw him sprawled on a beach chair wearing only a pair of shorts. It might have been acceptable if it was the middle of the day and the sun was out, or if he had a nice bod. But it was midnight, and ew.

Plus, he was singing. Slurry, sloppy lyrics, but I could make them out. "You got to know when to hor em, know when to for em." The Gambler. Oh no. You killed Kenny.

Clearly, you got to know when to walk away and know when to run.

As I hurried into the house, I knew things from then on would be different between us. He would likely be embarrassed that I'd seen him drunk, half-dressed, and way off-key. Plus, the vision of his round, hairless torso had been involuntarily hard-wired into my cerebral cortex, and I glimpsed a great deal of dry heaving in my future.

That night I had a nightmare. A complete music video. Mr. Lee, topless, slow-dancing in our front yard air humping his leaf blower and singing the Gambler. Then he jumps on his Harley and tears off down our street. But first, he winks at me. Ew.

Which brings me to the ultimate purpose of this missive. Great one bedroom apartment available in Davis Square. Rent negotiable. Please call Mandy. As soon as possible. 617-616-8792.

Random joke

2006-08-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, I think this is really funny, but it just doesn't fit into my act. Comments?

I bet if Thomas Edison knew that everyone thought sliced bread was the best invention ever, he’d be like: “This is bullshit!” Try slicing bread in the dark, assholes!!!

The Great Fluffernutter Debate!

2006-07-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

As July 4th passes, I’m reminded of the great minds who debated the laws that govern us today. Madison, Hamilton, Lincoln and Douglas. The empassioned quarrels over slavery, the purpose and purview of government, the inalienable rights of man. Powerful stuff.

Today, in Massachusetts— cradle of liberty— the debate has turned to Fluff.

The Great Fluffernutter Debate of 2006 got whipped into a goey mess when Sen. Jarrett Barrios, D-Cambridge, introduced legislation to ban Marshmallow Fluff from being served in school cafeterias after his son, a third-grader, made the mistake of telling his Dad all about the gooey indulgence he ate at school one day.

Then, Rep. Kathi-Anne Reinstein (hard at work for the town of Revere) decided to counter the Fluff-cott, instead proposing the Fluffernutter be named: the Official Sandwich of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. A high honor indeed.

Now, put aside your fears of whether or not Fluff will be able to fulfill the challenging duties of State Sandwich, and if not, which sandwich will rise up to take its place (the Monte Cristo, perhaps?) For now, let’s just focus on the thrilling interplay of state government.

Rep. Reinstein wrote a letter to fellow lawmakers today, urging fluff supporters to gather from far and wide:
“Dear Colleagues,
“I will be filing legislation to make the Fluffernutter the official sandwich of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I believe we need to preserve the legacy of this local delicacy. I invite you to sign on to this legislation by Friday, June 23, 2006 at 12 noon.
“FYI: Fluff contains no fat, and is one point on the Weight Watchers diet program. According to the Fluff website, there are no artificial preservatives, stabilizers, emulsifiers, or colorings in Marshmallow Fluff.
“I have included a link which will hopefully provide more information on this nutritious treat.
“http://www.marshmallowfluff.com/pages/fluffernutter.html
“Thanks for your consideration in this important matter.”
The last line is the funniest. We’ve got 150,000 troops in Iraq, polar bears stranded on melting icebergs, and $3 a gallon gas. And the fluffernutter is an important matter?

Correction: it would be funny if it wasn’t so infernally enraging. Please, stop wasting our time. Stop wasting our money. Stop goofing around and start governing.

“I’m going to fight to the death for Fluff,” Reinstein told The Associated Press.

Wow, that’s a slap in the face to the last soldier from Massachusetts who died fighting the “War on Terror” in Iraq. If anyone knows about fighting to the death for fluff, it’s him.

We can’t really blame Senator Barrios, this whole debacle started out with a legitimate concern: the nutritional value of the food served in public schools. Of course, now, we find Barrios mired in the sticky muck himself, backpedaling to appease the Fluff-noscenti.

“He loves Fluff as much as the next legislator,” aide Colin Durrant said.

Come on! Does political correctness really prevent us from insulting whipped marshmallow topping? Who, exactly, is the Senator concerned about offending? Fans of Fluff? Is this a significant portion of the electorate?

With childhood obesity out of control, I believe removing the Fluffernutter from school lunch menus is probably a good idea. Fact: marshmallow fluff is not a nutritious meal. It’s technically not even food!

What I don’t understand is why can’t this much energy be focused on removing the fluff from our school curricula?

Opposing Fluff is silly, defending Fluff is idiotic, but the amount of time and money our elected representatives have whipped it into mallow over this is despicable.

Laughing Liberally Shows

2006-06-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

I feel guilty I've neglected you, blog. I've been favoring my myspace account. (www.myspace.com/mandydonovan) But I find this good ol' blog is still here waiting for me like that Shil Silverstein poem. The Giving Tree? I think Shel Silverstein also wrote songs in the 60's and 70's. Werewolf in London, maybe? I used to love Where the Sidewalk ends so much. Did everybody have that book in our generation? Or just the kids with hippie parents?

Speaking of hippies, I just got finished Laughing Liberally, Boston. It was the end of their mini-tour. I only got to participate in the Boston part, so my "tour" went from Medford to Somerville, but hopefully there will be more shows in the future. It was the best and most inspiring comedy show I've been a part of yet. It's so great to tell jokes to an educated, open-minded audience, where the purpose is first to entertain but a close second is to motivate. A comedy show might not change anything, but I feel reinvigorated to work for the end of the war, to elect representatives who aren't nuts, and to keep criticizing Bush until he heads back to Crawford. I bet some audience members are motivated as well. So cool. Makes me feel good. I'm gonna' go vote now.

they planned it all along

2006-03-28T10:29:00.000-08:00

no wonder bush rarely meets with fallen war heroes families. he can't bare to look them in the eye.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/27/international/europe/27memo.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

2006 Comedy Calendar

2006-01-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

Upcoming dates for those who like to ask me when I'm performing next:

Hillarium w/the Walsh Brothers
January 28th, The Thirsty Ear @ M.I.T.
http://web.mit.edu/thirsty-ear/

The Comedy Connection
Monday, February 27th, 8pm
Cover: $15
http://www.symfonee.com/comedyconnection/boston/reservations/step1.aspx

Jerkus Circus
March 16, 9pm
Ralph's Chadwick Square Diner
148 Grove St., Worcester
www.steamybohemians.com

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like A Non-Denominational Winter Holiday!

2005-12-19T10:58:00.000-08:00

You are soldiers in the War on Christmas.

And you’re all doing a hell of a job.

So good in fact, some freak job wrote a book about us, "The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday is Worse than You Thought."

Damn right it is.

Sure, we’ve been acting this whole time like what we’re truly interested in is inclusion. But we all know that’s a smokescreen. We don’t give a shit about Jews, Muslims, Blacks or Agnostics. We care about #1. And #1 don’t like Jesus freaks. We like naked, vulgar, pagan godlessness. Oh yeah.

But we’ve been found out. The far-Christian right has seen through our veil of political correctness to what lies beneath. We don’t really care about other faiths, people’s feelings or embracing the melting pot of American culture. We are just caddy. We know that every time, one of us says “Happy Holidays!” all Pat Roberts hears is: “Fuck you, Jesus!” Ha ha ha.

Keep going you guys! You’re doing great. See you after “the holidays!”

And be sure to check your liberal agenda in the coming weeks. Our “Screw Easter!” campaign is right around the corner!

"I wanna' be a liberalist!"

2005-12-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

My first Laughing Liberally Show! So I guess I'm in it. Like, to win it. Y'all. Come check it out if you are down NY way for New Years weekend!

The Laughing Liberally Lab
Friday, December 30, 11pm (kinda' late, but not for new yorkers)
@ The 45th Street Theater
354 West 45th Street, 2nd floor
(Between 8th and 9th Ave.) Admission - $10
Reservations: (212) 967-7079 x210

http://www.laughingliberally.com/index.html

Laughing Liberally is a comedy show which uses humor and laughter to spread understanding of liberal ideas and advance progressive values. Showcasing the brightest progressive comedians from all across the nation in an off-Broadway show in New York City and on a national tour, Laughing Liberally will save democracy one laugh at a time.

Podcasts? What could possibly be next?

2005-12-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

So, listen to any good podcasts lately?

What the fuck is a podcast?

We are so starved for entertainment in this country that we read People magazine while watching the E channel and looking at pictures of Jennifer Aniston’s boobs on the Internet, at the same time. Now, we’re supposed to listen to podcasts on our Ipod too?

We are shoving entertainment into every possible orifice.

If they invented a pipe that you stuck up your ass that let you watch NASCAR, the Paris Hilton sex video, and Everybody Loves Raymond, someone would use it.

“Okay, you put these goggles on, and shove this pipe up your ass, and voila.”

They’d call it Assertainment. Or Buttopia.

“It’s Buttopia! It’s like Tivo, only in your poop hole!”

Then people would be like, “I don’t know, shove it up my ass? Isn’t that kind of gay?”

So just to reassure people, they’d get a famous celebrity who obviously isn’t gay, like Chuck Norris, to do a testimonial ad: “I love Buttopia. And the ladies love me."

The early adopters would be passing around the lube two weeks before Buttopia hit the market. But for the skeptics, they’d have exclusive programming you couldn’t see anywhere else. Want to see home movies of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise fixing up their baby nursery? Yeah, we bet you do. Shove this up your ass and all your dreams can come true.

Laughing Liberally Showcase

2005-11-14T10:55:00.000-08:00

So I got a call back and performed on the showcase at Stand Up, NY last week. It was a blast. Stand outs included Eddie Brill, Dean Obedallah and Brian Finklestein from the UCB theatre, oh and me of course. There were a few other Bostonians on the bill, Baratunde and Myq Kaplan (my road tripping buddy) and Sean Crispo (formerly of Framingham.) Despite the 4 hours down and back (thanks for driving Amy!) it was a really great experience.

Laughing Liberally is still amorphous like comedy vapor but should be taking human form soon in the shape of the Laughing Liberally "Lab" and an upcoming club and college tour. I hope to be a part of it!

November Comedy

2005-10-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

November 2nd @ 8pm at the Comedy Studio (above the Hong Kong in Harvard Sq.)
thecomedystudio.com

November 5th @ 9pm on the Walsh Bros. Hilarium at the Thirsty Ear Pub, on the MIT campus
http://web.mit.edu/thirsty-ear/

Indictment Party at My House!

2005-10-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve! I’m going to wake up tomorrow and ask: "Did Fitzgerald come? Did he bring me a Scooter? How about a Cheney? Oh boy, I hope it’s a Cheney!"

Hey, they wanted Infinite Justice didn't they?

A terrific article in Salon today talks about the greater implications of the investigation. Remember, leaking Valerie Plame's name was tantamount to a death threat, a Godfather-style tactic to intimidate Wilson into keeping his mouth shut about real evidence AGAINST going to war in Iraq. If they get perjury or obstruction of justice, they are getting off easy. If Clinton did it, we'd be hearing words like treason.

But I think David Letterman said it best: “The real crime is that there's an adult man walking around in the current administration named Scooter."

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2005/10/26/questions/index.html

"If Fitzgerald hands down indictments, Washington will face a political upheaval not seen since the Clinton impeachment. But that will not be the only, or even necessarily the most important, effect of Fitzgerald's decisions. The resulting criminal process could also, for the first time, throw open the doors on the inner workings of the White House during one of the most controversial periods of recent American history. After 22 months of investigation, Fitzgerald, a Chicago-based prosecutor, may know more about the internecine battles that led to the outing of Valerie Plame than even the most well-connected intelligence wonks."

America braces for 2000th dead soldier in Iraq

2005-10-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

I read this headline today. The news media predicts this grim upcoming milestone like another Hurricane. Just chomping at the bit for the next casualty. Do we need to talk about our military death toll like Superfresh’s 2000th customer? Do balloons fall? Does he or she get a coupon for $5 off a Swiffer? How about we just focus on mourning the current dead, not the future.

This isn't about right and left. It's about right and wrong. - Cindy Sheehan

2005-10-07T07:40:00.000-07:00

Russ Fenigold's Response to Bush's Speech

2005-10-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

October 6, 2005

"The President still does not understand that his failed Iraq policy is making America weaker and our enemies stronger. The administration's strategy in Iraq is providing terrorists around the world with a recruiting pitch, international networking opportunities, unity with Iraqi nationalists, and on-the-job training in urban combat. We cannot afford a "stay the course," open-ended commitment in Iraq that threatens to break the U.S. Army and hurt the economy. Such a policy keeps America bogged down in Iraq rather than engaged in what should be a global campaign against terrorism. It's time for the President to put forward a strategy that actually makes us stronger in the fight against terrorism and safer here at home -- unfortunately he failed to do that today."

In June, Feingold introduced a resolution, the first of its kind in the Senate, that calls for the President to clarify the military mission in Iraq, lay out a plan and timeframe for accomplishing that mission, and publicly articulate a plan for American troops to return home. In August Feingold again jump-started the discussion by becoming the first member of the U.S. Senate to propose a target date to finish the mission in Iraq -- December 31, 2006.

October Comedy

2005-10-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

October 14th, 8pm

The Comedy Studio
3rd floor above the Hong Kong
1236 Massachusetts Ave., Harvard Sq.
Cambridge, Ma

Follow the stench of meat from Bartley's Burger Cottage.

It's a good idea to call for reservations. 617.661.6507.

Laughing Liberally Auditions

2005-09-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

I'm trying out for a political comedy tour called Laughing Liberally. It's absolutely the perfect blend of my two favorite things (no, not fried dough and ice cream), socio-political activism and pants-peeing humor.

I'll be out rehearsing my audition set wherever I can this week, The Emerald Isle Sunday, The Office on Wed., and The Comedy Studio on Thursday. The rest of the time, I'll be puking because I'm so nervous.

Wish me luck, keep your fingers crossed, all that good stuff.

Support McCain Anti-Torture Bill

2005-08-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

Please write, call or email your senators and President Bush. Ask them to support the McCain, Warner, Graham amendment to this year's defense bill that would outlaw "cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment" of prisoners in U.S. custody. It will also prevent the military from keeping "ghost detainees" off the books, and require interrogators to use only those techniques approved in the Army's new field manual.

Incredibly, the Bush Administration has threatened a veto of the entire defense bill over this one provision, saying it would "impair [the President's] ability to protect the nation from terrorists."

Go here to send an email to your senators: http://www.workingforchange.com/activism/action.cfm?itemid=19450

Go here for other ideas on how you can let George Bush that supporting torture is UNAMERICAN:

http://web.amnesty.org/pages/stoptorture-index-eng

August Comedy Calendar

2005-08-04T08:17:00.000-07:00

August 13 and 31st at 8pm.

The Comedy Studio
3rd floor above the Hong Kong
1236 Massachusetts Ave., Harvard Sq.
Cambridge, Ma

Follow the stench of meat from Bartley's Burger Cottage.

Call for reservations. 617.661.6507.

June Comedy Calendar

2005-06-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 30th at 8pm
The Dan Sally show @ the Comedy Studio

The Comedy Studio is on the 3rd floor of the Hong Kong club/chinese food restaurant. If you can figure out why every Boston comedy club seems to double as a Chinese restaurant, you win a free egg roll.

1236 Mass. Ave., in Harvard Square
617-661-6507
www.thecomedystudio.com
tickets : $9

If you can't make it on June 30th, check out my other upcoming dates at the Comedy Studio:
July 17, 27, August 13, 31st.

Summer Comedy Calendar

2005-05-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday, June 26th, 7pm
Women in Comedy @ Jimmy T's

Hosted by Deb Farrar-Parkman, staring me and some of the Boston area's funniest vagina-toting comics.

Jimmy Tingle's Off Broadway Theatre
255 Elm St., Davis Square, next to the Burren
$5 for students with ID, $8 for everyone else
Call 617-591-1616 or visit jtoffbroadway.com for tickets or buy them at the door.
Check the website for information about FREE parking.

Thursday, June 30th at 8pm
The Dan Sally show @ the Comedy Studio

The Comedy Studio is on the 3rd floor of the Hong Kong club/chinese food restaurant. If you can figure out why every Boston comedy club seems to double as a Chinese restaurant, you win a free egg roll.

1236 Mass. Ave., in Harvard Square
617-661-6507
www.thecomedystudio.com
tickets : $9

If you can't make it on June 30th, check out my other upcoming dates at the Comedy Studio:
July 17, 27, August 13, 31st.

Thursday, May 26th, 9pm
College Comedy Night @ Jimmy Tingle's

You don't have to be in college to have a good time at this show.

You will also have a good time if you:
went to college, started community college but never finished, blacked out and can't remember if you finished college, had a life-changing experience when you went to Blaine! beauty college, took a class on air conditioning repair over the Internet once, have strong feelings about revamping the electoral college, beat up someone who went to college.

It's College Comedy Night, hosted by the very funny Myq Kaplan, and featuring performances by people such as: myself. (And some other people.)

Thursday, May 26th at 9pm
Jimmy Tingle's Off Broadway Theatre
255 Elm St., Davis Square, next to the Burren
$5 for students with ID, $8 for everyone else
Call 617-591-1616 or visit jtoffbroadway.com for tickets or buy them at the door.
Check the website for information about FREE parking.

WOMEN OF COMEDY

2005-05-11T20:22:00.001-07:00

Bring your uterus and get ready to laugh!
May 9th, 22nd, 29th
Jimmy TIngles's Off Broadway Theater,
Davis Square, 7pm

March Comedy Calendar

2005-02-23T07:41:00.000-08:00

FRIDAY, MARCH 11th, 7:30pm
Comedy Night
TOAST LOUNGE
70 Union Sq. Somerville (near the INDEPENDENT)
617-623-9211

SUNDAY, MARCH 6th, 7pm
"WOMEN IN COMEDY"
Jimmy Tingle's Off Broadway Theatre
255 Elm St., Davis Sq.
617-591-1616
tickets $10, available at : www.jtoffbroadway.com

Terror Breeds Comedy, Thursday March 3rd 8-10pm

A night of education and enlightenment about the threat of the BU Bio-terror Lab. (Okay this isn't exactly funny, maybe just ironic.) Hosted by local activist and middle-class hero, Marc Pelletier. Starring me, plus lots of other funny people: Baratunde Thurston, EJ Murphy, Erin Judge, Rich Gustus & Myq Kaplan.

Suggested donation: $5.

Jorge Hernandez Cultural Center
85 W. Newton St.
South End, Boston

Nearest T = Green - Copley, Prudential or Orange - Back Bay

Cash bar, this is a 21+ event

Sponsored by the Coalition to Stop the BioTerror Lab/SafetyNet/ACE
(www.ace-ej.org) 617-442-3343 ext.233

February Comedy Calendar

2005-02-04T11:49:00.000-08:00

STAGE TIME at Jimmy Tingle's

Thurs. Feb. 24 at 7:30pm -- "STAGE TIME VARIETY SHOW" with guest host Emily Singer
An evening of established performers and new faces from world of comedy, music and spoken word.
$10 Tickets, $5 w/ Student ID
For tickets, visit Box Office or go to jtoffbroadway.com.

Watch me instead of the O.C.

I know it's getting good, but come see me instead. This Thursday. Feb. 17,, at 9pm Pugliese's Bar & Grill, 635 Cambridge Street, Cambridge.

Tsunami Relief Show Rescheduled

Thanks for your enthusiastic interest in this show, you guys. It's now been re-named the Benefit to End Ironic Weather! Pray no more blizzards get in the way!

The show will go on Friday, Feb. 18, 8pm at the Riverside Theatre Works, 45 Fairmount Ave. Hyde Park. $15 minimum donation (100% of all proceeds go to CARE's Earthquake and Tsunami Relief and Rehabilitation Fund). For more information and reservations call: (617) 361-7024 or visit riversidetheatreworks.com.

Jimmy Tingle's Off Broadway Theatre

I will be performing at Jimmy Tingle's again soon. Check back here for deets.

March Preview

Comedy to Fight the BU Terror Lab, March 3rd

In between having babies and keeping the world safe for socialists, Marc Pelletier has been leading the charge for an Anti-Bio Lab Comedy Show (catchier title forthcoming). Save the date. It's going to be Thursday, March 3rd at the Jorge Hernandez Cultural Center in the South End. More details to follow soon.

January Comedy Calendar

2005-01-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

NO LAUGHING MATTER
Tsunami Relief Charity Show
Jan. 22-23rd at 8pm

A fundraiser standup showcase hosted by Eric Cheung with the proceeds going to CARE's Earthquake and Tsunami Relief and Rehabilitation Fund. The shows are Saturday January 22nd and Sunday January 23rd at 8pm at Riverside Theatre Works located at 45 Fairmount Ave. Hyde Park. I'll be performing Saturday and Sunday night. The Saturday show will be headlined by comic/magician Mike Bent and the Sunday show will be headlined by Tim McIntire. A minimum donation of $15 will be charged. For more information call: (617)361-7024. Find out more about CARE